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Your Home Isn’t Full. It’s Overgrown.

Our home had become like a toy box overflowing with toys we no longer played with.

The “toys” were photographs, clothes that once fit or were once fashionable, books we’d already read (or simply liked seeing on a shelf), furniture that had been expensive but was no longer useful, bedding we rarely used, exercise equipment (that one hurts to admit), and files and papers that seemed too precious to throw away simply because they’d been around so long.

The toy box was bulging at the seams.

The countertops were clear, but only because everything had been stuffed into cabinets, closets, drawers, and the basement.

“Out of sight, out of mind,” I would tell myself as I put one more thing away to deal with later.

Why Decluttering Is So Hard

In her book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Marie Kondo challenged us to confront our clutter. Her KonMari method became a worldwide phenomenon for good reason.

Like many people, I read the book, borrowed a few ideas, and tried to do it myself.

Her process is almost surgical. It’s precise, systematic, and intentionally detached.

She has the right idea. But for many of us—especially Boomers who have lived with our belongings for decades—it can feel too clinical and too emotionless.

Eventually, we lose momentum.

The closets quietly begin filling up again.

We’ve lived with our “stuff” for too many years for the question, Does it spark joy? to get to the real issue.

The attachment runs much deeper than that.

The Rush to Downsize

At the very moment our homes feel too full, we’re also being told it’s time to downsize.

Move to one level.

Get rid of the stairs.

Simplify.

(I’ll be writing another post about the great staircase myth, so put a pin in that for now.)

Many empty nesters—I’m actually not one of them—look at three or four bedrooms that no longer house children.

At first, those rooms are preserved with hope.

The children will come home.

Sometimes they do.

Sometimes they stay.

Sometimes they only visit for holidays.

Sometimes they never return.

Eventually those bedrooms become museums of another life—filled with belongings their owners no longer want but somehow can’t part with.

Then there are the formal living rooms and dining rooms.

For centuries they were essential parts of a home.

Today they remind me of vestigial organs—spaces that once served an important purpose but rarely do anymore.

Yet they still occupy a significant portion of our homes.

I Think We’ve Been Given Bad Advice

I believe many Boomers have rushed this stage of life.

We’ve been told to trade space for convenience.

To get rid of nearly everything we’ve accumulated.

To move into a smaller home with fewer responsibilities.

The promise sounds wonderful.

Less maintenance.

Lower expenses.

An easier life.

But many people discover something unexpected.

They feel confined.

Their expenses don’t necessarily decrease.

And the conveniences they purchased often cost as much—or more—than the life they left behind.

Wake up! It doesn’t always work that way.

If you haven’t rushed into this transition yet, keep reading.

Make Space Before You Make a Move

Don’t trade space for convenience…yet.

Especially if you’re preparing for a future loss of capacity that hasn’t actually happened.

Instead, make space where you already live.

Getting rid of decades of accumulated possessions is emotional.

If you try to do that while simultaneously selling your home, moving, downsizing, and starting over, you’re putting enormous pressure on yourself.

Honor the process.

Allow yourself to grieve.

Take your time.

It took years to accumulate these things.

It’s perfectly reasonable for it to take time to let them go.

Most of us aren’t in as much of a hurry as we’ve been led to believe.

Think about creating space for expansion, not simply living smaller.

Your time to downsize may come.

If it isn’t now, don’t rush it.

Curate. Don’t Amputate.

This has become one of my favorite ways to think about it.

Curate. Don’t amputate.

Rushing to erase your past by getting rid of everything is like cutting off your arm because you broke your finger.

As a Realtor®, I see another side of this every day.

The real estate world is obsessed with staging.

Neutral.

Minimal.

Clean.

Sterile.

And it works.

Buyers can imagine themselves living there.

But real life isn’t a staged photograph.

Over decades we’ve collected things that make us feel comfortable, safe, inspired, and at home.

Unfortunately, we’ve also collected things because we thought other people would admire them.

That’s where it gets tricky.

Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference between what we love and what we hope will impress someone else.

Design Your Home for the Life You Live Now

I’ve been leaning into my own taste.

Thankfully, my husband likes it too, so I’m not bulldozing over his preferences.

It’s our home.

One of my favorite things is transforming spaces using what I already own.

I’ll move furniture into unexpected rooms.

I’ll repurpose accessories.

I have a collection of scarves and shawls that I’ve started using as table coverings and decorative accents instead of traditional table runners, which now feel dated to me.

Buying something new has become the last resort—not the first.

Although I still enjoy doing it now and then.

It genuinely makes my heart sing.

Make Room for the Person You’re Becoming

As you clear away what no longer serves you, begin asking a different question.

How do I live now?

Think about the empty spaces.

The purposeless rooms.

The children’s bedrooms.

The formal living room.

What if they reflected the person you’re becoming instead of the person you used to be?

Imagine creating space for:

• Meditation or yoga
• Dancing
• Writing, journaling, or finally starting that book
• Games, puzzles, Wordle, or Connections
• Indoor or outdoor gardening
• Bird watching
• A wine or spirits tasting area
• Whatever hobby or passion lights you up today

Your home should support your current life—not preserve your former one.

The energy created by making room for what matters now will spark creativity.

And yes…probably joy.

Staying in your home a little longer may also preserve retirement savings you’ll appreciate much later in life.

More importantly, reimagining your home for this season of life can support your physical health, emotional well-being, and longevity.

I truly believe that.

I often say:

“Living to 100 and beyond is an unprecedented opportunity for expansion.”

So I’ll leave you with this:

It’s never too late to begin living this way.

Start where you are.

You don’t have to stay there.

This is Graceing Agefully™.