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Fulcrum (Cambridge Dictionary): “the point at which a bar, or something that is balancing, is supported or balances: A seesaw balances at its fulcrum.”

Living a Well-Integrated Life™ means staying in the center of the see-saw of thought.

In the first half of my life, aka, my “youth”, I spent most of my time (thought time) in the future or in the past. It is said that ANXIETY is thinking or worrying about the future and DEPRESSION is dwelling or regretting the past.

Picture a see-saw. The right end represents the future and the left end represents the past. In the center of the see-saw is the FULCRUM. Now, imagine your thoughts are on the see-saw. As your thoughts take up more time worrying about something ahead, the see-saw tilts to the right. (I have some memories of see-saws and I was on one end and the girl on the other end was tiny….it wasn’t much fun 🙁 ).

If I am ANXIOUS (which I am frequently) my thoughts are dominated by fear of something ahead. My thought see-saw is tilting to the right and gets stuck on the ground. When it’s in this position my day is out of alignment. Everything I do and feel is out of alignment. When I make decisions in this state they are driven by an attempt to control and/or attachment to a particular outcome.

This happened to me the other day and my response is a good illustration of the kinds of decisions I make while in this state of mind.

I was in the middle of a perfectly normal real estate transaction and a question came up about a dollar figure in the transaction that was misread. In retrospect, it was a non-issue, but for some reason, I fell into a rabbit hole of panic…what if? why? is it my fault? and more. Have you been there? My thought see-saw was tilting to the right. It came crashing down on the ground and I was stuck there. (I corrected the problem immediately in the real world but I was stuck on the ground, down the rabbit hole of what-if’s. I launched into what actions I should take to ASSURE myself it was a simple misreading of the number and it would not come up again once corrected).

Next…I’m CRAVING comfort food. Not only craving, but eating mindlessly anything within reach…the hunger was insatiable; I was like an addict needing a fix and the high was not happening. While I’m pursuing this artificial satisfaction, my thoughts are still attached to the future end of the see-saw.

Honestly, as time went on, the fear began to dissipate but not before another CRAVING to go shopping. A new ANYthing seems to feel like it will make me feel better. The reality is, it never does and often it brings up another anxiety later…like, I spent money I shouldn’t have because those things did not bring me back to center.

These two examples are my personal “go-to’s” when anxious. The decisions I make when in that state don’t improve my situation at all. They NEVER work.

When I am out of alignment I lean into numbing like eating or drinking, distracting like TV and social media and avoiding. Some other activities you may be able to relate to: drinking alcohol, exercising (even though we label this a “good” habit, if done for the wrong reasons it causes pain), doom scrolling, busy work and more. Do you have any that come to mind that aren’t on the list? I’d love to hear about it.

Back to the see-saw, I am learning to allow myself to “feel” the feelings I’m avoiding, numbing or distracting. When I do these things I’m BLOCKING feeling what seems painful.

I am learning it’s a choice to be in the center or the FULCRUM of the see-saw and the center represents NOW. I can’t predict or control the future and I can’t relive or undo the past but I can ACCEPT what IS. I only have control over my thoughts.

This year, my word of the year is ACCEPT. I am learning ACCEPTANCE is the key to staying PRESENT and PEACEFUL.

I’ve been listening to Byron Katie’s book “Loving What Is”. I will put a link below to the book and I highly recommend it if you relate to what I’m writing. Katie has developed a program she calls “the Work”. “The Work” takes her clients through a process of raising their awareness about the thoughts that run continuously in their heads. In the book she shares the conversation with her clients as they go through the process. (It’s more powerful on audio as you can hear the exchange between the two of them).

You hear first hand as each person unpacks their dominant thoughts and either shifts their perspective or discards the thoughts. Ultimately, the dominant thoughts that clouded their perspective are eliminated and they can see the reality clearly. The reality is always more balanced. They eventually ACCEPT what is and LOVE it.

This is the FULCRUM of thought and of life. This is the center. This is where I find peace. This is where I find calm. This is where I find love.

In this place, I ATTRACT. I attract abundance, I am free of pain, I am connected to source and to everyone and everything.

My last point is, the see-saw of thought never stops. External things constantly change. The change will start to tilt the see-saw and requires continual centering. I used to think HAPPINESS was the goal and when I found it I could relax and have fun. I used to think if I had enough money, I would be financially secure and would not have to worry about it anymore. I used to think if I found a loving partner, life would be easier and more carefree. I used to think if I achieved that big goal, I could retire and take the rest of my life off. We think if we are productive now we can rest later. We think if our candidate wins the election, life will be better for us and if the other candidate wins our world will collapse….

These are the kind of thoughts that tilt the see-saw. If we spend all our time trying to get to one end or the other, we get stuck on the ground.

Stay in the center…it’s in your control, it’s a CHOICE. Bring your thought see-saw back to center. ACCEPT what is, stay PRESENT, love what IS.
Love YOU. Love what, who and where you ARE and you will be Living a Well-Integrated Life™.

This is Graceing Agefully™

Love, Jennifer

Link to the book, “Loving What Is”