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I have noticed a growing epidemic of approval addiction here in the US, maybe around the world. I believe social media has perpetrated and exacerbated it. NOW it IS an epidemic. Like substance addiction, it is masking the real problem and is creating a dependency.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a trained or licensed therapist. Nothing I am about to say should be taken as medical or psychological diagnosis. I am an impassioned observer of human behavior. I’m also human and I am “auto-analytic” (made that up to mean I constantly analyze my own behavior in response to others. I am self- aware to a fault. )

Back to my armchair analysis of the rest of humanity, LOL! I believe we are in another epidemic/pandemic of approval addiction. As a society we have been given the keys to the car, a Lamborghini and never taught to drive.

Social media is our drug of choice. It begins with some “likes” a few “loves” on other people’s posts. The more we scroll, the more we “like”, the more we “love”, the more start looking around at our messy desks, unmade beds, unwashed plates in the sink, pajamas we’re still in at noon, quarter full wine glasses from the night before, the more we are drawn back to the hagiographic images of social media. “Did you see the tik-tok of the dog tobogganing?” “Did you see the _______’s photos of their vacation in Hawaii?” “Did you see _______’s gorgeous daughter, handsome son, accomplished husband?” “Did you see where _____’s husband took her for their anniversary?”….Pick your personal red flag, we all have them, YES WE DO⸺YOU TOO!

The next phase is putting something on that you want other to “like” or “love”. These are photos of your kids, or the photos of YOU looking better by a mile than you have since before shutdown. If you are thinking right now…”hey, Jennifer, you do that!”….you are RIGHT. One thing you must know about this armchair social psychologist is if I’m talking about it, I did it and I am “in recovery”. Maybe it’s just a pretty flower or a bird or whatever.

Once again, not saying it’s BAD and we should never do it. What I AM saying is watch for the signs of addiction; checking back for “comments” or “likes” or “loves” or “LOL’s” or “cares” are tiny red flags. Is it time to join AAA? (Approval Addiction Anonymous)? Probably not….yet.

The next phase is “troll” reaction. What’s your response to disagreement? How do you react to a negative emoji, anger, hate, cancel or more likely a comment that is contrary to your opinion or comment. Even contrary to someone whose post

you liked! Are you that red-faced emoji with exploding head? The more intense your response to disagreement, the higher the degree of approval addiction (please refer back to my disclaimer here).

We tend (I tend) to go scrolling through COMPARING next. Actually, that’s what i’ve been doing all along. Yes, that’s what I think is the crux of the problem. I’m comparing my WHOLE messy existence to the highlights of others. I’ve been looking at someone else’s FB posts and extrapolating my image of their WHOLE life. Her WORST day is better than my BEST day.

Is anyone resonating with this? I may be the only one. SCRATCH that, I KNOW I’m not.

I see this point as easily triggering a downward spiral. This can be the pivot point, the high/low fork in the road. The low road in this case is the road to the proverbial rabbit hole of approval addiction. The high road is flipping the switch of awareness.

Start with yourself. The self-hate that you suppress when “liking” someone else’s post or making uplifting comments needs to be unveiled. Show it to yourself.

I journal. That may or may not be your medium. maybe call your therapist if you have one, call your shaman, call your healer, speak it into a recorder. Meditate on it, punch a punching bag on it, Peloton your ass off on it, run, walk, take a hot bath, call a life line⸺BUT the bottom line is let yourself FEEL IT. Open the door to let out the boiling, festering anger or hurt or disgust or most of all FEAR.

We are all scared. No one lives in a problem free world. Our problems and their range of intensity are our own. We can’t compare them to anyone else’s. Every one of those people who you said to yourself “HIS/HER worst day is better than my best” has a personal story that is equal to yours. FEEL THEM, don’t envy them. Feel them, SEE them. Look past the post. Pick up the phone and talk to them. Pick up your pen and write them. Pick up your pen and write them a note. Tell them you SEE them.

I see people that seem to have it all as being like the Gold Medal winners. They probably clawed their way to the first Gold Medal fueled by a singular passionate focus, blurring all the obstacles while zeroing in on becoming the best and because they love what they do.

After that, they have an image to uphold. NOW, they’re doing it for YOU!.

I thought when the elite athletes in several different sports started to open up on the world stage about their struggles with mental health/illness. That was a

triumph. I know mental health, death by suicide are the simmering about to be roiling pandemic and about to erupt.

At the root of it, is approval addiction. Masking, showing the world what you think the world wants to see and striving to BE what you think the world wants to see and striving to BE what you think the world expects of you is, in a word, deadly. The fist step in recovery is AWARENESS.