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Growing old is the pathway to fulfillment of your soul’s purpose.

Experience counts in the game of life. BTW, although I used the word game, life is not a game. In fact, I have learned since age 50 the job(s) I do to make money to live is not my work. My life is my work.

With this insight came hours, days, and years of retraining. I had to examine my life with eyes wide open. I had to drill down to reveal who or what was running my life to that point.

I was continually surprised as the truth unfolded about me. I was ashamed at how easily I had accepted the rules and beliefs that kept me incarcerated in a “not-enough” prison. I was appalled when I learned I was the enforcer, the warden of my “not-enough” prison.

I was a “good girl”. Above all, no one could accuse me of being contentious or unpleasant. Even my high school yearbook said, “Everyone is Jennifer’s friend”. What it didn’t say was “whether she likes them or not”. Who could condemn that good girl?

Since I was 50, I have learned more and faster than ever. I have peeled away layers of conditioning. Each layer brings me closer to the truth of who I am and who or what I came here to be.

I know from experience that this dismantling ramps in speed as I get older. In my 60’s a lot of layers were shed. The pandemic was a gift that further accelerated my growth and expansion.

The pandemic forced me to work from home with a permanent permission slip not to show up in an office. It was a permanent permission slip to meet clients, friends and family virtually. The time gained by virtual meetings was like found money—-a windfall. The time I used to spend getting ready, getting dressed (and for whom was I getting dressed?, another rabbit hole I could write a whole piece on, lol), driving to and from appointments was freed up with the blessing of anyone or anything that may have been in control of my time prior.

That fact alone shone a bright light on the truth of what controlled my life.

“Good girl”, in her mid-adult years became a “hard-worker”, a borderline work-a-holic who wore it as a badge of honor. My “inner voice” or as I now know her, my “inner manager” was a BAD BOSS. What I didn’t know was she was ME.

She kept me down. She demanded, “go to work even if you’re sick” (until the pandemic). She scolded “You can’t rest, it’s a work day!”. She warned me “You can’t tell your clients you’re taking a vacation or even a day off”. She said, “Don’t turn off your phone, you may miss something and you may DISAPPOINT someone. You need to APPEAR to be available 24/7!”.

Under my Bad Boss’ tutelage, I sought shelter by numbing, distracting, and resisting. I battled the forces of weight gain, chronic health issues, anxiety, and depression. As these dis-eases progressed, behaviors that numbed and distracted like a glass or two of wine, mindless eating, TV watching, and doom scrolling social media became moderate addictions. Although low-level, they were gateways to more serious addictions if left unchecked.

They also opened my eyes and I became angry (an emotion I heretofore thought of as “ugly”, “unladylike” and socially unacceptable…just sayin’). I asked myself “Why?”, “Why was I feeling like this?”. I was getting old and I was falling into the abyss I was conditioned to believe was the only option after 50.
Like Howard Beale, the beleaguered newscaster in the movie “Network” screamed to the world, I was gradually realizing “I’m sick of this and I’m not gonna take it anymore!”.

I am now 3 months from my 70th birthday. The 20 years from 50 to 70 have been the best years of my life. In fact, every year gets better. I am excited to celebrate 70. I am confident I will be more excited to celebrate 80,90, 100, and beyond. I may live longer than that OR I may die today. My intention and my goal is to make every day the best day of my life.

I am going to share my “secret” here. I call it living a “Well-Integrated Life™”. I have found this to be an amazing tool to retrain myself to be the CEO of my life. I fired my BAD BOSS. I replaced her with AWARE, COMPASSIONATE, FORGIVING, LOVING, FUNNY BOSS.

She is the best boss I’ve ever had and she makes me want to be a better person every day. She “sees” me. She “hears” me. She “loves” me. She “forgives” me when I slip back into bad boss behavior. She permits me to take care of myself first. That gives me the strength and courage to be there for others who need me.

My CEO of life measures my performance daily. She has defined 5 categories of life that are to be kept “aligned”.

1. Spiritual
2. Physical
3. Mental/Emotional
4. Financial
5. Relationships

She expects me to FEEL a minimum of 8 on a scale of 1-10 in each category each day. If a category falls below 8, we work together to figure out why and what can be adjusted to restore it to 8+. At the top of the range, i.e., a 10, it FEELS like PEACE.

I am taking this show on the road so to speak. I’m sharing it with others. I want to spread the news that GROWING OLD IS AN UNPRECEDENTED OPPORTUNITY FOR EXPANSION.