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This old expression runs through my head a lot. I’m learning this is the way inspiration works for me. I “receive” words, phrases, familiar expressions, or as in the name Graceing AgefullyTM, titles and names. They float by in the river of thoughts, unattached to a more complete idea.
Most of what I write these days starts like that. In fact, the book I’m writing is titled “I Was Having a Near Life Experience” for the same reason. I kept hearing and reading about people having near death experiences, or NDE’s and how everything would SNAP into clarity and their lives changed almost overnight. I would read and think do I need to survive a horrible accident before I am enlightened? Gradually, I felt I was awakening without crashing violently and abruptly against the bottom. That book is in the works now as this phase of my life unfolds.
The story or lesson of “Don’t Throw the Baby Out With the Bathwater” is forming now as the end of the year, the winter solstice and the holiday season for many religions and cultures is upon us.
The period between late November, Thanksgiving, it’s capitalist counterpart Black Friday and the beginning of the New Year is fraught with emotion, expectation, and demands most of which are artificial and ultimately exhausting and disappointing at best.
Whether in business or in life, the end of the year has become a Killer Deadline. We act frantically to “finish strong” in business, get the cards out, decorate the house, buy the gifts, prepare the tables for parties and dinner, bake, never miss a workout, dress up for all the occasions, show up with a smile on your face and a perfectly wrapped (and selected) gift in hand all the while watching over your shoulder, the clock and the calendar ticking down to JANUARY 1, OF THE NEW YEAR.
We spend ALL of our time trying to create the FEELING of peace and love over the holidays and by the time we can take a minute to FEEL it, we’re often too exhausted or sick. Do YOU ever feel that way?
There are aspects of the frantic deadline behavior I have been letting go over a number of years. Among them…..GIFTS. Gift giving has evolved to become a competitive sport. Gift giving has become an expectation to be met more than an expression of genuine care. Each recipient creates a list of what they want and we are tasked with getting it as prescribed. It has become a ZERO SUM GAME. You either WIN as a GIVER or RECIPIENT or you LOSE.
This pattern has developed over my lifetime and has insidiously etched its groove on the LP of my life. (For the generation that have no idea what an LP is…it’s a reference to what is now known as VINYL!). In an LP, the groove is etched to allow the record to play the same music with the same integrity every time. The only way to change the pattern is to SCRATCH the groove. This GIFT groove is a difficult one to scratch, but I have. I suppose it is easier for me to make this change because I have no children who reinforce the gift groove for you.
My husband and I no longer regularly exchange gifts for birthdays or holidays and anniversaries. At Christmas we hang stockings which make our fireplace look cheery and warm. Mostly they hang empty except our traditional car wash coupons which we give each other annually, lol…same amount both
sides ;-). (He is a fanatic about car cleanliness and I am not, so, my 12 usually last about 3 years and his about 6 months!!).
We LOVE a Christmas tree and lights and there are usually a few wrapped gifts from others under the tree and a couple of new cat toys. Mostly, we decide to buy something for the house together as an alternative to surprise gifts This change alone has made the holiday season more joyful. We have traditions we share and celebrate, mostly around food. Tamales! Christmas morning cinnamon rolls, breakfast casserole and coffee with as much whipped cream as I want!
I recently read the book “The Go-Giver” again. Each time I read it, I extract something new. The book by Bob Burg and David Mann is a classic in the genre of personal and professional development. It is told in
parable form about Joe, a “go-getter” who is struggling to land the last big deal of the year in sales. He is introduced to a consultant named Pindar, aka the Chairman who introduces him to a series of successful entrepreneurs, a restauranteur, a successful coffee company founder, a commercial real estate developer and more. Joe gradually sees beyond his narrow view of achievement and sees that these examples have a common thread of putting others first and helping others succeed which returns to them in the form of their own success.
There are numerous powerful messages in this book and what came through for me this time was how in life and in business, we are continuously evolving. Things don’t necessarily happen in the timeframe or at the level we expect or hope. It doesn’t mean NOTHING happened. It doesn’t mean you’ve FAILED. It doesn’t mean you’re FINISHED.
The end of the year is only a calendar reference. The winter solstice is a time in nature that is as much a new beginning as an end. That’s ALL. It’s a new night followed by a new day and it never stops. The same for the end of the year and the beginning of the New Year.
I urge you to reflect at this time of year. Use the time that you would be RUSHING, PANICKING, WRITING CARDS, WRAPPING GIFTS, SPENDING FRANTICALLY to get it all IN and DONE in time…….STOP.
Ask yourself:
1. What will REALLY happen if I don’t _____________ (fill in the blank, send another card, buy another gift, land another sale…..)
2. What has improved in my life in the last 12 months? Write it down.
3. Where am I in my life/business right now that I am happy with? Write it down.
4. How has my mindset/outlook changed in the past year that I want to continue to nurture? Write it down.
5. What can I do EACH day that will keep me on the path to living my best life NOW? Write it down, make it a daily habit going forward. I call these little daily habits MDRs, Minimum Daily Requirements. They are the non negotiables, you can do them anytime, practically anywhere, they don’t require special equipment or clothing and they don’t take a lot of time. MDRs…
6. Do I have ENOUGH for TODAY to be Happy and at Peace? I hope the answer is always YES and you remind yourself of this every morning as you start your day.
Take the answers to these questions into this holiday season and I believe the end of your calendar year will be filled with JOY and PEACE and renewed HOPE for what is unfolding in the days, months and years ahead.
The gifts you can give during the holiday season are:
- Your time…give it to someone who needs you
- Your ears to listen to their story
- Your love to heal them when they don’t love themselves
- Your smile to a stranger
- Your courtesy…let someone ahead of you in line or in traffic
- Your humor…make someone laugh, everyone needs to laugh more
- Your acceptance, without judgement
Make these things a daily practice in lieu of expensive gifts added to the giving competition.
One of the 5 Laws of Stratospheric Success (from the “Go-Giver”) is The Law of Authenticity: “The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself”
Finally, don’t forget to give TO yourself during this holiday season. You can get so focused on meeting the needs and expectations of others, you put yourself last. Take care of yourself as you go through this year end and holiday season, after all, YOU are the baby in the bathwater.
I wish you loads of JOY, plenty of LAUGHTER, ample LOVE and endless PEACE for the season and every day thereafter. This is Graceing AgefullyTM.
Love, Jennifer
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