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I always think “cinematically”. In other words, I love movies, always have. I came by it honestly. Grace, my mother, whose name is the root of this platform name Graceing Agefully™, was a movie buff. As kids we learned about Kate and Spencer from Grace’s hagiography. I am certain she conflated the characters in her favorite movies, like “Pat and Mike” with the reality of Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. I also believe their imagined perfect lives were her inspiration in dementia. That’s a fact. She created her perfect reality in the last years of her life. On her deathbed she was satisfied, fulfilled and ready to go. Who am I to say I don’t want to go there? OR Who am I to say that she was not manifesting her ideal life? Think about it!

I find myself thinking about movies I loved. I realize that now THOSE are “old movies” much as we would say when we would hear talk of the movies of the 40’s in the 60’s and 70’s.

“The Year of Living Dangerously”. That was one movie I watched over and over. I can’t really say what it was. It has crept into my psyche in a way that I can’t articulate, in particular.

This movie was set in Jakarta, Indonesia (probably the way I learned that Jakarta is in Indonesia, LOL…movies teach geography!) Mel Gibson was a foreign correspondent (journalist) and these were the days when it was not only ok but very popular to love Mel. He was an Australian shooting star, gorgeous, young, with a sexy accent and laser-like blue blue eyes, dreamy. (Try to let go of today’s image of Mel at least for the moment).

The second protagonist was everything you NEVER dreamed of in a movie star, Linda Hunt. This was her first moment of brilliance on the public stage and I believe it launched her destined to be stellar career. Her character, like her, is a dwarf and a photographer (thus the connection to Mel’s character). Her manner was neither male like her name, Billy Kwan nor female like her biological gender. She would dart seamlessly between male and female, never long enough for the viewer to lock in on an opinion. Is she man or woman? It didn’t matter. She was the spark that lit the flame of love between Mel’s character and the other shiny new star Sigourney Weaver. Billy was the third side of a love triangle of a different sort. She was in love with Mel physically and Sigourney’s character was her proxy.

Perhaps that is the significance of St. Patrick’s Day as my New Year’s Day. I am driving the FEAR of aging out of Baby Boomers and anyone of any age for that matter!

Back to My Year of Living Dangerously. This year I am removing the net from my high wire act. I am going to fly without a fear of falling/failing. It has already begun as you are about to read. I’m trying things I have never tried or haven’t tried in so long it’s like I never did.

I am also launching a daily post on the GA Facebook Group, 365 Days of Letting Go. I encourage my audience to be both on the platform https://www.GraceingAgefully.com and in the Facebook group. I encourage you to comment, share your experiences, complain if you have a complaint. No net means no edits unless I detect an evil BOT or evil AI is commenting.   😉

I don’t believe I will fall to my death, I believe I will soar to higher heights. I hope you will too. Read on for my latest experience with my new Choral Adventure!

Life Lessons from a Member of the Chorus

I recently joined a choral group for singers over 55. There was no audition required, just a love of singing. The idea that I could participate in a chorus without enduring a solo audition was definitely the spark that lit the fire for me. I thought, I will just ease in and not call attention to myself and start singing along.

You see, I have stage fright, at least I used to. In my younger days if I were required to stand alone and speak to an audience, actually 2 or more people, I would freeze and shake. I can still remember my knees betraying me as I stood at the front of Jesse Lee Methodist Church in 7th grade heroically trying to expel a now long forgotten soliloquy. The dark cloud of shame still descends when I recall the moment. My body and my mind were outsourced at that moment to some awful intelligence with intentions of shaming me to death.

Oh, btw, I make my living in sales and have most of my adult life. Somehow, I succeeded and did very well. Years later I came to understand my success was achieved through building long term relationships and that did the selling for me. I am still not good at winning in the moment.

Now I’m older, I think wiser, more confident about who I am. I am not too driven to be the best in the world at anything, but I do believe in being better than I was yesterday. This involves stepping outside my comfort zone. I’ve written about that. Getting comfortable with my discomfort. Being a better me means getting myself into uncomfortable situations.

In 2023 I have stepped into a lot of discomfort already. I have so many things that attract me and I’m continually signing up, registering and participating in new things. I’ve taken a “Don’t Overthink It” approach to commitment versus,” Look Before You Leap.”

My younger self would see and hear the judgements of coaches, bosses, teachers, parents wagging fingers and instructing me to focus. “You’re spreading yourself too thin” “You are getting so distracted you will never get anything done” “You’re wasting your time chasing shiny objects.” “A-D-D”!!!! It would scare me back into submission.

Now, I’m finding purpose in these many “distractions”. In the interest of time, space and wanting to keep your attention I am going to convey the message and the lessons of my Choral Adventure.

This chorus has a director, Ethan. He is young, talented and a credentialed scholar of music and conducting. In a few rehearsals I’ve learned more about music and chorus than I learned in my previous 68 years. (I haven’t sung in a choral group since high school soooo…..).

I love to sing. I love how singing loud and strong feels. I fancied myself a good singer and perhaps in some fantasy with headphones pouring Adele into my brain through my ears and my voice unheard by me, I felt I was a great singer. I knew my inability to “perform” solo even speaking would need to heal before the world would know ME, the singer.

This was my chance. The confidence I would gain by easing into the group would then allow my voice to rise above the crowd (the crowd having the same effect as Adele in my headphones). Even though there were no solos, the exception would be made for me.

I will confess now, the headphones were not a mask hiding vocal skill of an undiscovered older Adele. They were a mask or a barricade that hid my true vocal skill or lack of from me. Within 2 rehearsals and some practice at home, my dreams of a Susan Boyle shooting star experience in my second half were dashed. I was happy to be lost in the chorus, not in the spotlight. I realized even THAT was not easy.

Here’s the lesson, taught by Ethan and SO applicable outside of chorus. He explained recently that the best choral performers are the ones that read the room, so to speak. The ones that can sense and duplicate the rhythm, the timing, the length of the notes and rests make the most valuable contribution to the overall choral performance. They are not the ones with the best and strongest voice that stands out in the group. Chorus is NOT a solo. It is a product of unity, harmony and flow. It is a WHOLE combined output, not a collection of individual voices. No single performer stands out or carries it. It’s the TEAM, not just Michael Jordan.

This is what I’m beginning to see more clearly in my second half of life. I am not striving to be better than anyone else. I want to be the best ME and I want to contribute to the best world. We are not alone. We are not independent, we are INTERDEPENDENT. We need a higher power and we need each other. Thank you for listening.